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Steverino ex machina.

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Location: Charlottetown, PEI, Canada

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Rod, in the almost cool years, in bed with some Siamese pussy.

At least Seacrest doesn't say that stupid "Seacrest! Out!" garbage anymore. I wish to God he'd stop picking at Simon. It just comes off as juvenile and sad...

Anyway, it's Idol night, and I have some last minute thoughts about last week and tonight.

Last week, Bucky did the only Queen song I said he could ("Fat Bottomed Girls"), and Bucky was still sucky. Sucky Bucky. Him singing those extended "oh" sounds at the start of each chorus instead of "ah" just grated on my ears in a bad way. That raspy hick. Even when he sang vowel sounds, he couldn't get it right, and oh, that redneck twang. No sir, I didn't like him. Good thing he's gone.

Ace was just BAD last week. Like fire. Fire bad, Ace bad. Frankenstein could write reviews about this preppy bastard. Those leathery pants! My eyes! Then my ears! Aieee! Go, Ace. Go now!

I sure didn't expect that song choice from Kellie. I thought she started very strongly for her. A different mood, look, production... not bad! When things picked up, though, she went down. Overall, still OK. Will she be #1? No, but she's fun to listen to when she talks. She's endearingly stunned.

Chris could have done WAY better with "We Are The Champions". The unkown (and not very good) song he did ("Innuendo", wasn't it?) was "meh". Like, who cared? I didn't know it, nobody knew it, and the song isn't one that wows at first listen. Same old same old from Chris now. Simon's got his #. Something like "When I'm Down" by Chris Cornell (if they ever get a free choice) would be great to lift him up again.

Katharine did almost have her moment, but those big notes were seemingly all just half a note off, and she couldn't rope them back in. She's got the potential to do something nice, well, or almost awesomely, but she just can't put all the pieces together at once. She'll probably win.

I thought Elliot did really well. I would've liked to see Taylor do the song he did ("Somebody to Love"), as a bit of a shift for him, but it suited E.T.'s good buddy last night, too. Not a show-stoppa, but top 3 of night I thought. America won't vote him into a winning position with his short-bus appearance, though (oh come on, you were thinking it).

I thought Taylor nailed "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". I thought the moves were appropriate for him, too. They're honest. Best of the show.

Paris I thought was good, but not great. That wig and outfit were bad. It's probably the same two costume pieces worn by that kid from Family Matters who turned to porn.

How this week may very well end up seeming...

This week it's classic American crooning, with some help from... Rod Stewart? Poor Roddy's lost the grit and musical respectability he once (briefly) had, and has now recreated himself as a crooner. I guess with most of the classic crooners dead now, Roddy figured he'd fill that niche. Baby boomers everywhere are just a-lappin' it up. It's not terrible, but it's not as good as the originals (so why bother?).

This stands to be a hard week for Chris. There ain't too much Rogers & Hammerstein that you can yell or brood along to. If they pick the right tune, Paris and Katharine should be the best tonight. They'd be closely followed by Taylor and maybe Elliot. Ace will tank, and Pickler will scrape by on her endearing stupidity. My pre-performance prediction: Pickler, Ace, and Elliot (or maybe Taylor) in the bottom three. We'll have to see who sings what.

It'd be cool if someone would do a classic Rod cut instead, like his version of The Temptations' "(I Know) I'm Losing You". Instead, I imagine all seven will lean towards the stylings of this guy:

One-trick pony, John Stevens

Let's hope they do the classics justice, and that they pick good songs!

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