So... in my last post, I outed the fact that Rex Goudie and Ricky Martin (if those ARE their real names) are apparently the same person, or are at least closely related.
Now, there were many things that troubled me about the Junos, and this is but one of them: was anyone else freaked out by Kalan Porter? I mean, boy used to look normal. You know, like a curly-haired male teen.
Then, somewhere along the way, something happened to him. I mean... look at him! That is NOT a (hetero) male look. It's like... some made over version of a flat, figureless Rachel Hunter. He kind of looks like "cougar housewife Kalan Porter". Or thin, young, white Oprah.
Then, at the Junos, what was apparently bad turned even worse. So worse, that it appears the "crossover" surgeries he's been getting across the border in Genderland are nearly complete. He's anorexic-thin and creamy-skinned as a crack-addict runway model with too much make-up. I mean look at him. Look at him! Everything but the paddles on his feet scream ballerina! It's just... gah!
After seeing this, I'm a bit scared... but also a bit intrigued. Is Kalan... er... Kalanie another Idol with an alter-ego? I think so. This isn't the best pic to support my hypothesis, but I submit it for your approval anyway:
If this isn't Kalanie... if Paris and he are not the same person, or at least related... then it's my guess for how h... sh... it will look next month. If there's some sort of delay, it's my rock-solid prediction for his appearance and outfit for the 2007 Junos in Saskatoon.
Now, there were many things that troubled me about the Junos, and this is but one of them: was anyone else freaked out by Kalan Porter? I mean, boy used to look normal. You know, like a curly-haired male teen.
Then, somewhere along the way, something happened to him. I mean... look at him! That is NOT a (hetero) male look. It's like... some made over version of a flat, figureless Rachel Hunter. He kind of looks like "cougar housewife Kalan Porter". Or thin, young, white Oprah.
Then, at the Junos, what was apparently bad turned even worse. So worse, that it appears the "crossover" surgeries he's been getting across the border in Genderland are nearly complete. He's anorexic-thin and creamy-skinned as a crack-addict runway model with too much make-up. I mean look at him. Look at him! Everything but the paddles on his feet scream ballerina! It's just... gah!
After seeing this, I'm a bit scared... but also a bit intrigued. Is Kalan... er... Kalanie another Idol with an alter-ego? I think so. This isn't the best pic to support my hypothesis, but I submit it for your approval anyway:
If this isn't Kalanie... if Paris and he are not the same person, or at least related... then it's my guess for how h... sh... it will look next month. If there's some sort of delay, it's my rock-solid prediction for his appearance and outfit for the 2007 Junos in Saskatoon.
posted by Steve | 8:29 pm
3 Comments:
While I enjoy your comparison to Paris, I think Kalan's real Idol is Farrah Fawcett.
PS I don't judge about the "too much time on your hands" comment. After all, I've been doing pretty near fuck all since the strike started...
Yeah, the face is more Farrah, but the body's more Hilton. Or Jacko, perhaps.
I want to feed Kalan a Steak, that boy/girl/squirrel like creature needs to eat! Definetly the spawn of a Hilton.
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