Flat Daddy

Or even Flat Mommy. No, it's not the latest rapper. It's something you can get from the US Army National Guard. In an effort ro replace a missing parent, the Army will blow up (pun intended) a picture of someone's parent(s) to life-size, stick it on foam board, and cut it out. "See, junior? It's not so bad. You can now have this cardboard cut-out of your parent. Isn't that cool? It'll never tell you to eat your veggies, do your homework, or go to bed. Ain't that awesome?"

Aww... ain't that sweet? America ain't so bad, are they? No issues in that kid's later years...