One of the world's great secrets - the secret behind Baker's Secret bakeware - has been discovered... by me. It's shit. C got a couple of new Baker's Secret pans / cookie sheets for Christmas. Now, before I go any further, you need to know that I make some mean chocolate chip cookies. That's right... I can bake, bitches. Now, the last time I made cookies, I used these new sheets. I was not impressed. The cookies didn't really spread out. They got hard and black on the bottom and didn't cook as much on top. "Maybe the butter wasn't softened enough first," I thought. Plus, they made big dark spots on the pans. I was pissed. I did the work and all I got were some carcinogenic choco-chip hockey pucks. I still ate them though, as they remained preferable to the cookies from the "cookie-shitting plant". But that's another story. For a while, I made no cookies. I wanted something good tonight, and there's nothing sweet to snack on. So, I decided to try cookies again. No way was I going to use those crap pans. C said she saw no problem with them when she baked with them. So, against my instincts, I decided to give them another go, thinking maybe my previous experience was a one-off bad one. I decided to make sure the butter was soft, the blobs of dough were small and flattened down, the oven wasn't too hot... ideal conditions. I watched every second of their baking, as a teenager would watch a rising crust pizza in a TV commercial. Sure enough, like, halfway through, they were already starting to look brown and hard on the edges and soft and raw on top. Dammit! Sure, they evened out on top after their minimum cooking time was up, but the damage was done. Even the "good ones" are Cajun-style on the bottom. So, Baker's Secret, I say damn you, you so-called cookie sheet makers... you ruin my cookies! If your brains were chocolate they wouldn't fill an M&M. And even if they did, I wouldn't use your pans to bake anything with them.