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Steverino ex machina.

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Location: Charlottetown, PEI, Canada

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Well, Hell, Mel... here's a proper post.

You know the expression "blind rage"? I think I actually experienced it yesterday. I felt like putting my fist through the CRT monitor in my room. I felt like smashing something smashable on the floor. I was so pissed when I left school that I was actually flushed & feeling light-headed with some little blurry stars. I never get mad! I don't ever recall being so angry at an everyday-life event. I'm unflappable! I've cooled down a bit by this morning, now, but when I start thinking about it, I'm still pretty angry internally. What irked me?

I interviewed for a new job last Friday (in the middle of a deluge of work, wakes, and funerals). I wasn't sure how good my chances were, but I thought I had a pretty good chance. It was a job within IT with the Dept. of Ed. It was a secondment position until August 31st (maybe extended?), so there was some security there in terms of pension time, job safety, and whatnot. Probably might've been a pay increase, too. An old boss / colleague of mine was one of the two interviewers. The interview took about half an hour, and it went OK. I felt a bit like I was rushing or flushed, but, overall, I thought I covered most of my good points and things that matched the job. For what the job description was, and what my background has in terms of technology in Education, I may not have had it in the bag, but... I thought I was pretty well poised.

I've been checking the phone and my email all week long, waiting for the + or - call. Yesterday, after school, my principal came into my room to give me some gossip... basically, the principal of a nearby school phoned up looking for a junior high teacher. She gave some names (No! No! No! I'll try her...), and my P. asked what was up. They said a teacher of theirs had to leave A.S.A.P. for another job. She inquired further (on my behalf, probably, to check), and they said the teacher had been seconded to the Dept. for an IT job. She also got the name of who it was out of him. I guess I got my news.

I didn't fully expect to get the job. I was very hopeful, though. I was so keen to do it and to start something new and get out of what my teaching role includes right now (ie, virtually none of my specialty/trained areas of science and tech). I don't know what boils me about it the most, but I'm pretty pissed about the whole end result. First, nobody (former boss / colleague included) called or emailed to tell me I didn't get it. I heard it as gossip. I know the person who reportedly got the job, and he's a nice guy. It's going to be hard to not secretly hate him. I think the thing that cheezes me off the most about it is that knowing what I know about him, where & what he's taught... he doesn't have nearly the background I do in tech in Ed. As far as I know, he's been in one place, in a couple of grade levels, and does some work with tech in school. I've worked in IT at the Dept. before, I've taught at five different schools, and was the Tech contact at two of them (I am currently), I've got scads of skills and experience with tons of programs and hardware, etc... in all kinds of areas. I've taught all the new tech curricula from grades one through eight, plus some time with 9 & 10 in the past... I could go on.

I just don't get it. I feel like, now, hearing what I heard, it should have been mine. I feel like someone's been given an unearned leg up on me en route to a possible position in that area in the future. I know they must have their reasons for going with him, it just feels unfair. I guess I'll just have to remind myself that, always, in the past, things that were unpleasant or didn't go my way professionally (or even in non-work life) always seemed to work out to be something better in the end. I can't see what that something better would be right now (perhaps due to rage-caused vision loss), but I'll just try to remind myself that I've got a good job anyway (however unpleasant parts of it may be), and something better will poke its head out from around the bend, at some unknown point in time.

For now, I'll just try to re-adjust my head to staying where I'm at, try to chill, be cheery, and use this as therapy.

3 Comments:

Blogger Rox said...

I'm sorry that you didn't get the job, dude. You are right in thinking that something better will be right around the corner, it's the best attitude to have.

You never get pissed off?! My god dude, you're a heart attack waiting to happen, keeping everything bottled up! LOL!

I'm having issues with my iPod, do you have expertise there? I was synching a bunch of new stuff on it last night and it literally crashed and I lost everything on it. Now, when I try to sync up my Pod with all the songs, it craps out right at the end. I'm about thisclose to going Elvis on the whole thing. Help!

8:41 pm  
Blogger H said...

Sounds like a case of "who you know" instead of "what you know". Unfortunately, you know the solution to that...

I've always stumbled upon the best possible scenario becomes available after some disappointment. I have no doubt that the same will happen to you.

11:17 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, first I say sorry about the job. I know what you mean - I applied for a job almost two months ago and got no follow-up at all. It was absolutely in my field, I was fully qualified, and hell, I've got a Masters degree in it. Perhaps they felt I was overqualified. But you can't tell me there was a surplus of people qualified at all who applied. Pretty annoying, but what can you do?

Last but not least, thanks for the proper post! I liked your rage description - been there - I thought I was having a stroke.

12:44 am  

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