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Steverino ex machina.

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Location: Charlottetown, PEI, Canada

Saturday, April 29, 2006

I saw two odd (yet funny) things this evening.

The first should need no more of an introduction than this: Japanese pop star girls. Meat headbands. Giant lizard.

(click the pic to see the video)

The other thing is the news that Keith Richards got a concussion. That's not the funny part. The funny part is that he got it at the end of a fall from a palm tree in New Zealand. What the Hell is Keith Richards doing climbing palm trees in New Zealand? He's 62!

(click the pic for the news article)

Shoot me! Shoot me now!

Everyone has those "things", you know? Those things that are just basic facts about themselves or rules they like to follow. Things that just don't get violated or broken. One of my "things" is punctuality. I'm pretty well always on time and usually early. I hate being late. I'd even go so far as to say I consider people who are usually late to just be unreliable and not as with it/professional/responsible as they should be. I've got to be on time, no matter what it is.

Another one of my "things" is that I go to church every week. Whether it be Saturday eve or Sunday, I always go, usually by myself in the last few years. Even though I've had my issues with the religion (as anyone has), over time, going to church has always been something that's been important to me. It's always been there, it's always been a part of my life, and I guess is therefore a pretty big part of me. I just couldn't miss church for anything. I may have missed it once in my whole life.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the church door this evening to see Father Charlie (my favourite and most respected priest) holding up a big ol' wafer, smack dab in the middle of Mass. I was sure church was at 4:30! Apparently, it must've started at 4:00. I arrived at about 4:28, and didn't hear anything as I neared the door. I opened it, and expected not to see anything going on yet, of course. As the door cracked open, I could hear F.C. I figured he must've been making a pre-service announcement (he does that sometimes). Nope. I opened the door all the way, and in action, there he was. And there I was. I instantly became "that guy". One of "those kind of people" who don't have being on time as a "thing". What made it worse is that I must've surprised him. He totally lost his place. We were both instantly stunned by the thing. I thought I could put my tail between my legs, turn around, run away, and come back for the whole thing tomorrow. But it was too late. It was too obvious I was there. I had to go in
and take my lumps. I blessed myself on the way in and took the nearest empty pew. He still couldn't find his place. I knelt down, and he found his spot I'd turned him away from. He blamed it on a "senior moment" (too kind), but I think we all knew what the reason was. It was me.
Egad, that was bad and embarrassing. I never do that. But now, I guess I have.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

TomKat. They're two people. They don't need a single stupid name. Also, there are a couple of pics I've come across which I found noteworthy.

This one shows Tom for what he really is... a little dweeb with pale, average skin. I mean, really. Look at 'im. That's no superstar.

Also, look at this "pregnancy" pic of Holmes. Now... I haven't been closely around too many pregnant people, but I know bellies don't look like this when there's a baby inside. It looks like she's her normal thin self, with a soccer ball under her shirt. I mean, everything's all wrong here. There's no blending of the curves from the belly to the rest of the body. The "baby" is just stuck there. Could she and Tom have created some kind of test-tube alien Scientology baby? I think so. Nice try, TomKat. I can see right through that "Suri the human baby" smokescreen.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Well, crap.

You... you helped me win a hockey pool once. Now, you are crap.

And YOU! You're really crap. Calling a penalty in OT that causes a team to lose a game they should've won... after not calling Montreal's captain getting a stick in the eye (he never came back). That's sooo crap. It's crap on top of crap. It's a pile of CRAP! Your calls and non-calls influenced the game too much. You are a pile of farty shitty crap crap.

(This would be a 4-minute penalty, right? No, not tonight.)

Nip Slip... BE GONE! Janet, you're so done. Katharine McPhee has started the new live TV craze, The Slit Slip. I mean... it was obvious the dress was a little too small for her. You could see her panty line, the grooves or hollows between her arse, thigh & leg, and her mushy boobs were squished up towards her throat like a couple of beached jellyfish. Mind you, she still looked pretty good, but all that stuff goin' on kind of took away from the overall look. She didn't sing so well last night, so she had to whip out her secret weapon. That slit on the dress just seemed to split apart too easily when she busted that leg loose. Consequently, there was a little kitty flash. Well, a kitty in a brief, anyway. A not-so itsy-bitsy not-so teeny-weeny yellow non-polka-dot bikini brief. Boy, American Idol... I thought you'd save that stuff 'til the ratings started to slip! (get it? slip? ba ha ha)

As the show was on last night, I was re-arranging my room since we just put in a new hardwood floor. My attention was pulled away, so I can't honestly comment on everyone. The only one that made me stop and listen was Elliott. The rest of it was non-captivating. I mean, if it can't pull me away from moving furniture, dusting, and re-arranging, then it ain't that great. I betcha that Pickler will still make it through, though... she's got so many people suckered into that likeable /scared dumb blonde thing. She gets the pity vote, and the country music vote. Kind of almost one in the same, really.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Woman Unknowingly Videotapes Sister's Demise

MIAMI BEACH, FL -- In an odd twist of fate, a sister caught her sister's last minutes alive - without even knowing.
Maria Ramoutar and her sister were in separate cars on their way back from Miami Beach when Maria saw a fiery car crash. She decided to videotape it with her cell phone.
Four people inside that burning car died, including Maria's sister.
Maria didn't find out it was her sister till the next day. Now she says she wishes she would have done something to save her.

'Cause... you know, standing idly by & taking video of people dying in a fiery crash is cool and all, as long as it's not someone you know! God, no! That'd just be wrong. You should try to save them then.

See the article & video of this story here.

The Log Driver's Waltz

I just found this and I had to share it. It's a solid piece of our heritage.
If anyone has this video (or the black flies one, etc) and is willing to share... let me know!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

So... how'd tonight's Idol go? Better than I thought it would! Not many surprises, though.

Chris picked a familiar and popular tune, and sang it very well. That ascot was horrendous, though. He's safe, despite it.

This is a night where Paris could've slayed 'em all. She did well, but she didn't have a "moment", though. I really like her jazziness, and how she sounds when she sings the classic stuff, but at the same time, she does some stylistic things that I don't like. I think they detract from the song... too different from the rest of her vocals. Too lilty or something. Still a good job, though.

Taylor picked a good song, but a pretty bland one, really, for a show like this. There isn't much variety to the lyrics or melody, especially at the beginning. At the end, he put some "oomph" into it, and it was good overall. I found it a bit too relaxed to really slay, though.

I thought Elliott sang his song really, really well. I don't get what Simon was saying about personality. I thought Elliott kind of turned himself around appearance-wise tonight. Unfortunately, Simon saw fit to balance things out and make a bad comment about someone, just for the sake of making a bad comment, I think. It's true... people may not like him as much as others, but it had nothing to do with his performance.

Kellie started very well, I thought. Then I started to notice her glaring lack of body movement / involvement. Then she started to race ahead of the music, and suck pretty badly. I feel bad for her. She seems so sorry when she stinks. Her personality, looks, and sympathy may keep her in this week, though. She's got that lone country vote now. Still... she may go home based solely on tonight.

Which one is the real Ace? Can you tell the difference? I dunno if I can...

Ace. Ick, ick, ick. Egad, that slicked-back guido hair was disgustipating. He looked just like Jean-Claude Van Damme, or Rob Van Dam, with that greasy ponytail. I don't know what the judges heard tonight here. I don't think he totally butchered it, but I found it sounded sloppy and poor. The music and what Ace was singing just didn't gel. Again... fire bad, Ace bad. Easy to judge.

Again, Katharine alllllmost had her "moment" this week. It was closer this week, too. She had a couple notes that almost had a country twang to them, and one other faintly weak spot. Overall, she did really well, but those minor things detract from any possible magic performance. Seems like the cameraman and lighting guys are really pullin' for her, though, eh? Two words: "extreme closeup!" It was almost like some hybrid of Wayne's World and American Idol. She sounded good tonight, and looked good. Overall, probably the most captivating performance. Maybe not the best vocally or the most entertaining... but the most Idol-esque. If she keeps it up, she'll win.

I think I'll stick with my bottom three of Kellie, Ace, and Elliott ('cause Simon screwed him over).

Time to listen to a real powerhouse now...

Rod, in the almost cool years, in bed with some Siamese pussy.

At least Seacrest doesn't say that stupid "Seacrest! Out!" garbage anymore. I wish to God he'd stop picking at Simon. It just comes off as juvenile and sad...

Anyway, it's Idol night, and I have some last minute thoughts about last week and tonight.

Last week, Bucky did the only Queen song I said he could ("Fat Bottomed Girls"), and Bucky was still sucky. Sucky Bucky. Him singing those extended "oh" sounds at the start of each chorus instead of "ah" just grated on my ears in a bad way. That raspy hick. Even when he sang vowel sounds, he couldn't get it right, and oh, that redneck twang. No sir, I didn't like him. Good thing he's gone.

Ace was just BAD last week. Like fire. Fire bad, Ace bad. Frankenstein could write reviews about this preppy bastard. Those leathery pants! My eyes! Then my ears! Aieee! Go, Ace. Go now!

I sure didn't expect that song choice from Kellie. I thought she started very strongly for her. A different mood, look, production... not bad! When things picked up, though, she went down. Overall, still OK. Will she be #1? No, but she's fun to listen to when she talks. She's endearingly stunned.

Chris could have done WAY better with "We Are The Champions". The unkown (and not very good) song he did ("Innuendo", wasn't it?) was "meh". Like, who cared? I didn't know it, nobody knew it, and the song isn't one that wows at first listen. Same old same old from Chris now. Simon's got his #. Something like "When I'm Down" by Chris Cornell (if they ever get a free choice) would be great to lift him up again.

Katharine did almost have her moment, but those big notes were seemingly all just half a note off, and she couldn't rope them back in. She's got the potential to do something nice, well, or almost awesomely, but she just can't put all the pieces together at once. She'll probably win.

I thought Elliot did really well. I would've liked to see Taylor do the song he did ("Somebody to Love"), as a bit of a shift for him, but it suited E.T.'s good buddy last night, too. Not a show-stoppa, but top 3 of night I thought. America won't vote him into a winning position with his short-bus appearance, though (oh come on, you were thinking it).

I thought Taylor nailed "Crazy Little Thing Called Love". I thought the moves were appropriate for him, too. They're honest. Best of the show.

Paris I thought was good, but not great. That wig and outfit were bad. It's probably the same two costume pieces worn by that kid from Family Matters who turned to porn.

How this week may very well end up seeming...

This week it's classic American crooning, with some help from... Rod Stewart? Poor Roddy's lost the grit and musical respectability he once (briefly) had, and has now recreated himself as a crooner. I guess with most of the classic crooners dead now, Roddy figured he'd fill that niche. Baby boomers everywhere are just a-lappin' it up. It's not terrible, but it's not as good as the originals (so why bother?).

This stands to be a hard week for Chris. There ain't too much Rogers & Hammerstein that you can yell or brood along to. If they pick the right tune, Paris and Katharine should be the best tonight. They'd be closely followed by Taylor and maybe Elliot. Ace will tank, and Pickler will scrape by on her endearing stupidity. My pre-performance prediction: Pickler, Ace, and Elliot (or maybe Taylor) in the bottom three. We'll have to see who sings what.

It'd be cool if someone would do a classic Rod cut instead, like his version of The Temptations' "(I Know) I'm Losing You". Instead, I imagine all seven will lean towards the stylings of this guy:

One-trick pony, John Stevens

Let's hope they do the classics justice, and that they pick good songs!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

American Idol. Queen. "Hunh?", you may say. Why? Well, maybe Queen's just trying to boost their profile with the kiddies out there that aren't in the know. After all, May's said they'll never do a show like INXS did... so maybe it's just a different way to get publicity on TV. It could also be an attempt to boost ticket sales for their musical.

Whatever it is, that's the theme this week. American Idol hopefuls sing their best Queen.

Here're some ideas on what might or should be done:

Chris - We Are The Champions
Taylor - Somebody To Love
Elliot - Don't Stop Me Now
Katharine - Under Pressure
Paris - You're My Best Friend
Kellie - Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Ace - Killer Queen
Bucky - Fat Bottomed Girls

I think the choice for Ace is good... it's rockin' and lets him do his high-note thang. There is no other song better for Bucky. Plus, he can dedicate it to the newly-dropped Mandisa. Kellie's is good 'cause of the country slant (the popular Yoakam version). I think either this or "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" would be good for Taylor. Elliot doing "Don't..." lets him canoodle all around, while still being powerful & rocky for once. Chris' song wouldn't let him yell the whole thing, which would be good for everyone. Paris & Katharine are tougher to pick for if those other songs are gone. Go figure, eh? It's hard to pick songs for girls from a band named Queen with a gay lead singer.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

So... in my last post, I outed the fact that Rex Goudie and Ricky Martin (if those ARE their real names) are apparently the same person, or are at least closely related.
Now, there were many things that troubled me about the Junos, and this is but one of them: was anyone else freaked out by Kalan Porter? I mean, boy used to look normal. You know, like a curly-haired male teen.
Then, somewhere along the way, something happened to him. I mean... look at him! That is NOT a (hetero) male look. It's like... some made over version of a flat, figureless Rachel Hunter. He kind of looks like "cougar housewife Kalan Porter". Or thin, young, white Oprah.

Then, at the Junos, what was apparently bad turned even worse. So worse, that it appears the "crossover" surgeries he's been getting across the border in Genderland are nearly complete. He's anorexic-thin and creamy-skinned as a crack-addict runway model with too much make-up. I mean look at him. Look at him! Everything but the paddles on his feet scream ballerina! It's just... gah!

After seeing this, I'm a bit scared... but also a bit intrigued. Is Kalan... er... Kalanie another Idol with an alter-ego? I think so. This isn't the best pic to support my hypothesis, but I submit it for your approval anyway:

If this isn't Kalanie... if Paris and he are not the same person, or at least related... then it's my guess for how h... sh... it will look next month. If there's some sort of delay, it's my rock-solid prediction for his appearance and outfit for the 2007 Junos in Saskatoon.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Juno Madness!

I've mentioned it before about how disgusted I am with this year's crop of Juno nominations. There were a few good choices, but, basically, you were in if your name rhymed with mickelback or you were ever on Canadian Idol. The fact Rex Goudie got nominated for anything disgusts me the most. He seems like a nice person, but he has no talent.

More than ever, this year's Junos are an example of marketing at its best (worst). CTV airs the show, so competitors from a CTV music show get on the show, and get award noms. And commercials for their albums. And truly false celebrity status / recognition.

Well, almost all the awards were handed out last night (32 of 39, I think). Some were good, like K'Naan's rap album win, Young's adult alt. album and producer wins, and one or two others. However, Nickelback won in the group and rock album categories. I could list many more (what I deem to be) deserving acts in both categories. I'm sure we all could.

The one that grossed me out the most, though was the "Best International Album" category. The Black Eyed Peas and Coldplay tied. Tied! At an awards ceremony! Who ties? Doesn't the word "best" in a category explicitly mean just one winner, deemed to be better than the rest? Whether it's based on sales or just opinion, there should be no possible way for a tie. Oh, wait... both of these international acts are performing on this Canadian awards show, aren't they? There. I guess I figured it out.


As an aside to this, I think Rexy and Ricky are one-in-the-same. It's undeniable. This photo evidence can't lie: