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Steverino ex machina.

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Location: Charlottetown, PEI, Canada

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The latest book I went through was Drew Carey's "Dirty Jokes and Beer". The first part of it is fine & dandy. The last part of it is a collection of short stories Carey did. I couldn't get through them. They just didn't interest me at all (which seems to be most fiction books, lately). In the aforementioned dandy section, though, there was one wee chapter devoted to 101 big dick jokes. There are some real gems in there... like #s 1, 10, 32... oh, but why just tell you about them? You can make up your own mind. Here they are, for your viewing pleasure, in their entirety:

1. My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime. (John Caponera)

99. My dick is so big, it charges money for its autograph.

100. My dick is so big, it has an agent. My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my dick.

101. My dick is so big, it's right behind you.

Monday, February 25, 2008

I didn't really like the idea of a new Poet Laureate for PEI, since I like, and have so much respect for, Frank Ledwell. He had an extended term as PL, and I just love his writings. That being said, I quite like what the new PL, David Helwig has set up. He wants poetry on PEI to be more accessible / visible, so he put up a site where Islanders can post their own work, as well as see and hear the work of local contemporaries. Cool idea. So, I posted a poem today. Lookit, me, ma! I'm a poet!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Ryan Adams' Easy Tiger is a really good CD. That is all.

Now playing: Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, February 09, 2008

A couple of good quotes this week from the world of school. I can't remember the best one, though, from yesterday, I think... I hope it comes back to me. At any rate, here's a couple I do remember:

"That cat has crop circles on it."

Student: "I can't find the word in the dictionary."
Me: (Seeing that he's looking for 'acquaint' and in the ac- area of the dictionary, I ask him how we'd find it around these pages, getting the idea across that you search letter-by-letter, left to right.) OK, I'll give you a hand. So, you're looking for 'acquaint', right? You're pretty close to it now. What are the first three letters?"
Student: "A-B-C".

Once again, I ask... please, think of the children. They need your help.

The Big Book of British Smiles has a new entry to add in their next printing...

My gawd, poor Amy Winehouse. One of my kids was saying something the other day about her horrible teeth, and I'd never heard/seen it. I didn't think it was true, but then again, I didn't ever recall seeing her show her teeth. I guess there's a reason for that. Apparently her health is so poor (from drugs and whatnot) that she's gotten to the teeth-falling-out point. Sad.

Holy crap, look at that face. Is that not the look of someone who's totally out of it?

In my searching, I found this custom Simpsons toy scene. It's too bad it's not available to buy. It's a classic scene. I thought they did a great job of the book and that I should share.

Not far from my house is this local community church thingy. They have a tall, lit sign on the road, and it always has a funny saying on both sides. I swear, people are joining up there just because the sign's so gosh darn funny. A day or two ago, they changed the sign (changes about every week), but both sides of it, I think, are sending a different message this week:

"God is at the end of your rope."

"Don't let worry kill you, let the church help."

Is it just me, or are they sending out the wrong message?

MAHTHAFUGGA! I get up, I turn on the computer, it comes up with some blue screen thing, to check a drive or whatever, saying it recovered some files and put them somewhere or something... nothing to be concerned about. I open Firefox. So... bare. Where are my tabs? WHERE ARE MY BOOKMARKS? All lost. ALL GONE. I had a shitload of bookmarks. I couldn't find all that stuff again if I tried. Links to movies, music, files, sites for school, sites for fun, sites for shopping... all fuckin' gone. Sweet Noah's Ark, it's all gone. I am NOT happy. I did find a backup of bookmarks I made once... in 2006... but it's just not the same. I can't even think of all the cool stuff and pages I want to re-find. This is not cool.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

So, a few days ago, it was announced that Stone Temple Pilots are reuniting. It's pretty cool, but whatever. Deano will be excited, though. And maybe Neil Barry. After that... I think that's about it.

On a related note, I'm actually reading for enjoyment in the last couple of weeks (wtf?). Usually, I find that I can't discover books that interest me enough to put the time into them. However, I have found a couple in the last few weeks. The first is Slash, by, well... Slash. It was a meaty book, but I figured it'd be worth the read. I was right. While I didn't learn any new words, I did learn a lot about Slash, Guns N' Roses, and people in their periphery (like Sly Stallone, the guys in Metallica, other music types, strippers, etc). More informative & somewhat insightful than entertaining, it left me wanting more juicy bits & stories and whatnot. However, it's still well worth a read. There's enough rock gossip, strippers, drugs, and stories to entertain. Also, as an added bonus (at least for me), I discovered that I know a girl who sang backup for a guy who had an affair with Slash's mom. We're, like, close! Toight!

Next on my list from the library is Tommyland by Tommy Lee. While I'm only 1/4 of the way through the half-as-long book, it basically fills in the gaps Slash left with some gooey stuff that I'd rather not touch. Holy frig is it entertaining. It's got a much stronger voice than Slash's book. It reads like you're listening to Tommy Lee. Plus, it's got all the raunch you'd expect and more. At the risk of being punny, it almost seems like Lee blew it in the second chapter, devoted to sex. I mean, how much more of this stuff can he cram in the last 3/4? I can only imagine. For your reading pleasure, a dirty excerpt (You've been warned... it's explicit! I'm serious!) from that chapter... some advice:
"Dr. Lee would like to take a moment to discuss a related item, that is, going south on a lady. I refer to comedian Sam Kinison, who suggested that men trace the alphabet on their girl's clitoris. It's a good idea. It gives you a focus and keeps you engaged. Of course, if you don't know the alphabet, you're fucked. I do, and I like it when I get to the letter "i" because I just grab the clit and suck on it to dot that fucker. But I don't only do the alphabet, I mix it up: a little hard, a little fast, a little nibbling, and a lot of licking. My favourite thing to do when I'm in the southland is to pull my girl's lips all the way back so that her little Gummi Bear just pops out at me. Dude, I love Gummi Bears!"

I don't know why, but something tells me Rox will think this is pretty funny.

Now playing: Van Halen - Pretty Woman
via FoxyTunes
(funnily enough, this track is from the album
Diver Down, heh)